On Clowns Taking the Souls of People, Especially the Young, and Encapsulating Them Within Balloons
Please God recall that I am naught but a sinner.
In Your arms I am released - In Your arms I am free.
Please God let those that are wary be shown the true path.
Please God walk with me as You have walked with those that have come before.
It is a known fact, as certain stories tell, that clowns take souls and place them within balloons. They do this not only to rob individuals of their humanity - a soul being an essential part of a human being - but also in order to attempt to slip their way into Heaven, much like the demons of Hell. However, unlike said demons, clowns know full well that they cannot get into Heaven unnoticed, so they steal souls mostly out of spite.
Of course, I (and the illustrious reader) can be certain of the above fact because of the following proofs, which will be true to any rational, God-fearing human being.
1) When souls are free (from the body) they try to get to Heaven. Id est, when a human being dies, their soul naturally floats towards Heaven. After all, souls must go to Heaven first in order to be judged and to be appointed their final resting place. Of course, one who understands this statement will know that said souls are not in Heaven, per se, but are rather at the Gates of Heaven. After being judged, the souls will either continue on to Heaven or Hell, depending greatly on whether they sold their soul to the Devil (aka Satan) while enclosed within a protecting body.
However, clowns deviously enter the picture here. Instead of allowing a soul to float towards Heaven, free from the body, clowns tie it to the earth, via their balloons. As can easily be seen, this is a great problem, yet amazingly, is also a boon in some cases. In the simpler of the two kinds of cases, this is a problem because the soul is not able to get to Heaven, be judged, and continue on to its final resting place. Much like a ghost, these souls continue to float about the earth, albeit in balloons.
In the other kind of case, as mentioned above, being encapsulated within a balloon could in fact be a boon to an individual. For example, when one has made a deal with the Devil (aka Satan) and has not yet found a way to trick him/Him out of his due (which many people, by the grace of God, are allowed to do, thereby increasing the general disgruntled feeling felt by the Devil (aka Satan) being forced to a fool's errand by God's predestination).
Of course, before I can abandon the topic of these final cases I must point out some of the other theoretical boons that have been put forth, but which I have little interest in, and therefore respect for. Some souls, having already made a pact with the Devil (aka Satan) and having infected their body with their diseased soul, knowing full well that they have entered the pact with the Devil (aka Satan) not intending to trick him/Him out of his just deserts, but rather out of their own personal well-being (not in this case to be confused with 'good'/'Good'/Good), enter into another pact with clowns in order to have said clown capture his soul, allowing his body to do horrible injustices, which go unpunished by God, since He can only punish souls, and not material, non-souled, things (such as rocks, trees, etcetera, which, not having souls, at any time, but especially originally, can act only according to their nature, and therefore in a way conforming to God's greater plan, aka The Plan). In this way, said souls can then take back control of their bodies, at some latter time, basking in their body's acts, yet being unaccountable for them, having been trapped within a clowns balloon. It should be noted that, to add to the craziness, believers of this theory also believe that clowns can be trusted to keep their word, a blatant 'non-natural is' (a clear contradiction of a statement about a thing's nature with the thing's actual nature), since they say that a pact is usually entered between a clown and the human being before the soul is taken.
My view on this theoretical boon is that said theory cannot, in fact, be true. Rather, we should see such a theory as what it really is, namely as a way for an individual to rationalize the fact that their soul was taken by a clown. Said proponents of this theory are typically those individuals who believe that they are more powerful then all other human beings, and, having lost their soul to a clown through that very clown's trickery, must find some way to keep face.
Another theoretical boon is as follows. Having made a pact with the Devil (aka Satan) some human beings believe that they will necessarily have to pay their soul to him/Him at some later time. By being encapsulated within a clown's balloon, the soul, so long as it stays there, cannot get to the Gates of Heaven, and therefore cannot be called upon by the Devil, aka Satan. This theory, as I stated above, is pure fallacy, as, as we saw above, the Devil (aka Satan) never gets his/His due, save in the most horrible of cases, of which there have been exactly three (which I need not go into at this moment, but which I could certainly clarify upon request, since many blatant lies and other confusions exist about such cases) which were not affected in the least by the meddling of clowns.
2) The only thing that floats towards Heaven are those things that God wills/Wills to float towards Heaven. Because of this, it must be that clown's balloons have something within them which God wills/Wills to float towards Heaven, since everyone knows that God doesn't like balloons in Heaven, as is shown by the scriptures. It must, therefore, be souls which are contained within said balloons.
For example, if we take the case of the clown in It, the tale based strongly upon real events, we see a clear example of a clown with balloons that are floating towards Heaven. While the clown is here seen by many to signify the Devil (aka Satan) or one of his lesser helpers - which, as an aside, all clowns are seen to be, when in fact they are really not - it is not. But, it is the case that the balloons that the clown has on his being contain real souls within them. This is so true that I need not even go into this, save by request. I will point out for those who may desire some glimpse into how this can be true, but yet are afraid to ask, knowing full well that the statement is clear to all rational beings, by pointing out that God would not will/Will any thing that does not naturally levitate toward Him to levitate toward Him. One could argue that airplanes do not follow this rule, but I think all of my illustrious readers will agree with me when I say that man is not naturally meant to fly and is in fact an abomination.
3) Children are naturally more susceptible to clowns and denizens of the domain of the Devil (aka Satan). Exactly why children are more inclined to be willing to make a pact with the Devil (aka Satan) we cannot be too sure. According to one theory, this is just one way for God to send a message to those youths who are not following his word. I dismiss this theory as a fallacy, for clowns meddle with the pious as well as the impious. This theory is typically used by the extremists to cover their own inabilities to raise their children according the Word (aka The Bible, Gospels, etcetera, all of which I'm sure my benevolent readers are well acquainted with). This theory also falls short when we look at the number of pacts between clowns and older individuals, such as those individuals in the various medical fields (some would like to throw lawyers in here as well, but according to the information I have gleaned from many sources, most of which I'm sure the reader is aware of, although perhaps not intimately, and which therefore need not be mentioned save by request, this grouping is categorically incorrect).
As for myself, I believe that children are not really more naturally inclined to open a dialogue with a clown regarding a pact. Rather, clowns are by their very nature spiteful, as I stated above. Clowns seek out the youth in order to corrupt them, thereby closing their minds, and more importantly, hearts to God. While it may be true that some children are more susceptible to the ways of the Devil (aka Satan), this can usually be attributed to the failings of their parents, rather then any natural inclination. If anything, children are naturally inclined to seek and learn, and need only someone to guide them along the path that they will follow for the rest of their lives. Any straying from this path can only be attributed to the failings of the original guide, whether for better (such as in the case when the Devil (aka Satan) leads them) or worse (such as in the case when the parent's fail to teach their children to seek God's path).
Hopefully this essay has shed some light on clowns and their devious ways. It is my hope that these words will help remove some of the lies that have been spread as truths regarding this matter. I urge you to re-read this essay along with some of the other essays on this topic (Kevin Smits' short essay immediately jumps to mind, as well as Ryan L. Creuel's speech at McLister College) in order to see past the fallacies, and help others see past them as well.
Watch over me God, as the shepherd watches over the flock.
Keep me God from evil, as the chicks are kept from the wolves.
I believe in Your wisdom God, and know that You shall always show me the way.
Created: January 17th 2004
Modified: March 5th 2004; February 5th 2005
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